This evening I was cooking dinner, watching my children play outside with their friends. They were laughing, running around, going from toy to toy. This is the life I wanted for them. To be happy, carefree, and safe. I can count the number of times that I have felt happy, carefree, or safe in the last nine years. I’m glad those days are over. I truly believed that I would never be happy again, that I would always carry around this weight of embarrassment, disappointment, and pain. Words cannot even express the feeling that I have knowing that my worst days are behind me. I’m happy again. I smile often. How did I get here? I chose to think differently. To react differently. To see my future differently. And to not let anyone else’s actions dictate my feelings. We can leverage the good and joyful things in our lives, to re-teach our brains how to embrace joy again. And that is exactly what I did. Do I still have bad moments? Absolutely, I acknowledge my feelings, look for the source of those feelings, and then I choose to move on with my day. But today is the first day that I realized that I’m living what I prayed for, and for that I am grateful.
My Prayer
Lord, I pray for restoration, reconciliation, healing, friendship, and community. I want things to change in some way for the better. Lord, I ask that You would step into every difficult situation and bring peace. It’s all too big for me to handle on my own. I need Your help and Your wisdom. Your strength and Your peace.
Life on the Ledge 